Twenty Percent Off

by Pamela Ehrenberg

In ninth grade, I had big puffy hair, braces, and stirrup pants.  I read Stephen King and Sweet Valley High, dissected a frog, and really dissected the nuances of youth group dances.  And I tried the 20 percent challenge.

Or was it the 30 percent challenge?  The actual number doesn't matter: the point is to shorten a piece of writing by some arbitrary percentage with the goal of making it tighter, making every word work 20 percent (or 30 percent or 15 percent) harder. 

The first time my teacher, Michael Bruner, assigned this challenge, he handed us a piece of writing from a former student and instructed us to shorten it by 20 percent.  That was much less intimidating; it's easy to be ruthless with somebody else's beloved adverbs and meandering descriptions.  Once we had the idea, it was easier to apply the strategy to our own writing, and soon we discovered the particular words and phrases that tended to creep in and weigh down our prose.

Writers coming of age in today's Twitterverse might grasp more instinctively than my generation the value of brevity.  But they'll still be surprised at how even a draft they thought was "finished" can still be trimmed by 20 percent--and how much stronger the resulting prose will appear.

Over the past twenty-five years, I have made progress toward taming the puffy hair, and I have expanded my reading repertoire.  But when I'm stuck on a revision and not sure how to improve a piece of writing, I still fall back on the 20 percent challenge.  Some things, thankfully, are more enduring than stirrup pants.

***Can you shorten this blog post by 20 percent?  Let us know in the comments below!

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FRIENDSHIP POEMS AND WRITINGS

by Mary Quattlebaum

The Beatles song says it all:  “I get by with a little help from my friends.”

I certainly feel that way when I’m writing and teaching.  Just recently I gleaned new insights from fellow bloggers Laura Krauss Melmed and Pam Smallcomb from their posts on using folksong and tall-tale prompts.  Thanks much!

Another friend whose creative work is informing my teaching is Debbie Levy.  Debbie’s The Year of Goodbyes (Disney Hyperion, 2010) is an exemplary novel in poems, perfect for writing teachers working with grades 4 through 9 and for college and graduate students interested in the form.

Debbie chronicles a year in the life of her mother, Jutta Salzberg, a Jewish girl growing up in Germany.  It is 1938, a time of horrifying change for Jutta, 12, and her country.  In free-verse poems, Debbie personalizes the sweep of historical events with details from her mother’s youthful perspective:  the click-clack of Nazi boots, her father’s desperate pleading “like tears” for the visas that will allow the family to leave for America.

One of the few things that Jutta was able to take to America was her poesiealbum—an autograph book filled with the inscriptions, verses and drawings of family and friends.  Each poem in the book is introduced by one of these inscriptions, and they offer a variety of voices (some soon to be silenced by the Nazis).  These poesiealbum entries might be jumping off points for your own students’ reflections and writings.

The Poesieablbum Project at http://www.debbielevybooks.com/:  Debbie’s website includes a discussion guide, video and writing project invaluable to educators who plan to share The Year of Goodbyes with students.

Beginning a Classroom Poem on Friendship:  Everyone seems to have strong feelings about friends.  Teachers might begin by having students talk about their reactions to Jutta’s friends and have them name some of the things the girls did together.  Students might share their reactions to Jutta’s losses and their own experiences on losing friends whether to moves, different schools, changing interests, and death.

Writing the Class Poem:  Teachers might have each student contribute one line about a friend or friendship.  The line should not include the name of the friend.  Before they write, first have students close their eyes and focus on the friend and some of the things they do together.  Then ask students to think of and write about one time when this person was a true friend and why.  Teachers can collect these lines, keep them anonymous, and arrange them into one long classroom poem, which he/she might read aloud and post on the bulletin board.

Individual Poems on Friends:  In a journal or during private writing time, students might be encouraged to pen additional thoughts about friends or their loss.  It’s important to honor the sensitivity of the topic and any students’ desire for privacy by not mandating that these pieces be read aloud.

The Friendship Continues:  Students might also discuss the power of writing to connect friends, including their own texts, emails, and Facebook pages.  It was Debbie’s article in the Washington Post that helped some of Jutta’s childhood friends (now women in their 70s) to find one another and re-connect.

Oral History Poem or Writing:  Debbie’s blog http://www.debbielevybooks.com/ references her extensive research and the many talks she had with her mother as she tried to re-create Jutta’s story through poems.  Students might “interview” an older family member about a childhood activity or incident and write this up.  This might become a treasured piece of writing to share with other family members.  Examples of questions:

1. What was your favorite activity when you were (same age as student)?
2. Who was your best friend?  What kinds of things did you like to do together?
3. Tell me something that made you angry or sad when you were my age.
4. What was your favorite subject in school?  Least favorite?  Why?
5. Tell me about a time when you got into trouble.

www.maryquattlebaum.com

Stop To Cross The Street: Tips For Young Writers

by Jacqueline Jules

               As a teacher who regularly conferences with students during writing workshop, I find myself asking many of the same questions repeatedly:  

            Are you sure you want two lines of exclamation marks? Let’s count how many times you’ve used the word “then.” Do you think you could cut a few of them out?

            Having the same discussion over and over again has prompted me to make a list of tips for young writers, modeled after the esteemed Jane Yolen. Last winter, at the New York conference of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, I heard her engage an audience of over a thousand with a clever list of guidelines. She began with “Eschew the exclamation point” and “Go easy on adverbs,” ending with a charge to all in attendance to go home and WRITE. In this spirit, I offer my own list for my students and young writers everywhere. 

• Tip Number One: Use Your Inside Voice. Limit your use of exclamation points and capitals. Ten exclamation points in a row and capital letters are like shouting at your reader.

• Tip Number Two: Stop To Cross The Street. Watch out for the conjunction “and.” More than three “ands” in the same sentence can be a signal to stop and use a period. 

• Tip Number Three: Dare to be Different. Beginning every sentence with “then” or “the” can be dull for the reader. Rearrange your words to vary the sentence structure.

   

• Tip Number Four: Play With Words, Not Fonts. Spend your writing time choosing the perfect descriptive word, not the prettiest font type or size.

• Tip Number Five: Be Active. Use action words to describe what happened and avoid using “was” unless it is necessary to your meaning. For example, say Rapunzel “walked” across the street instead of Rapunzel “was walking” across the street. Repeated use of the word “was” weakens the action. 

• Tip Number Six: Break it Up. Divide your stories into paragraphs. Indent or skip a line at the beginning of each new topic. It can also be easier for a reader to follow dialogue when you begin a new paragraph for each speaker. 

• Tip Number Seven: Switch Places. Check to make sure your sentences are in the best order. Switching sentences or words around can make writing flow in a more logical manner.

• Tip Number Eight: Remember the Reader. Too many parenthetical asides and distracting details can confuse your reader. Make things as clear for your reader as possible.

• Tip Number Nine: Be Smooth. Use transitions such as “After we went to the mall, we went home,” rather than Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3 to indicate a change of time or scene. Chapters divisions are for novels, not short stories.  

• Tip Number Ten: Make a Pretty Picture. Your job as a writer is to make a picture in your reader’s mind. Make sure you have included enough color and detail for your reader to see the same story you see in your mind.

        

Jacqueline Jules

http://www.jacquelinejules.com/

WRITE A SING-ALONG

by Laura Krauss Melmed

In previous Pencil Tips entries, Mary Quattlebaum blogged about crafting lessons based on fairy tales and nursery rhymes.  Traditional folk songs are another fun medium that can be used for sculpting a workshop.  As a child I was fascinated by an aunt’s big book of American folksongs.  I would pore over the lyrics, especially the sad love ballads like “Barb’ry Allen,” although, since no one in my family played an musical instrument, I could not hear the tunes.

For the purposes of this workshop, however, the songs should be as light and silly as possible.  Amazon.com lists many children’s songbooks of old American favorites, including The American Song Treasury, 100 favorites by Theodore Raph and I Hear America Singing: Folk Songs for American Families by Kathleen Krull, which comes with a 23-song CD.  In addition, individual songs are readily available for downloading from I Tunes and on YouTube.  For teachers who play guitar, this is a perfect opportunity to showcase your talent.

A lesson should start with listening to some tunes while encouraging a sing-along.  Then guide the children in figuring out what elements, such as rhyme, repetition, choice of silly words and absurd situations, have made these songs appealing to successive generations.  Have the students speculate, as I did when writing my picture book, The First Song Ever Sung, when and why people might have first come up with these songs:  to allay boredom or set a rhythm while working in the fields, to banish loneliness while herding cattle, to put a child to sleep, to provide entertainment while sitting around a campfire in the days before a click of the mouse or the remote could bring instant entertainment, etc.  

Then have the group sing “The Eensy Weensy Spider,” followed by reading The Eensy Weensy Spider adapted by Mary Ann Hoberman, illustrated by Nadine Bernard Westcott.  In this zany adaptation, Hoberman comes up with all sorts of continuing adventures for the spider, including hugging a baby bug, going swimming, and shoe-shopping (now, that’s my kind of spider!).  Tell the children that they are going to take part in a similar effort, as a group, using another song.  

For the writing exercise, pick a song having many variations on a single theme.  It should be one in which only the chorus has end-rhymes, since requiring every line to rhyme would narrow the children’s choice of words as they devise their own verses.  For example, for “She’ll Be Comin’ Around the Mountain,”  the students could select a protagonist of choice, such as a sports player, a super hero, or for the sake of this example, a dragon.  The chorus could still be “She’ll (or he’ll) be comin’ around the mountain.”

The verses might go,

“He’ll be breathing smoke and fire when he comes,

He’ll be breathing smoke and fire when he comes,

He’ll be breathing smoke and fire, he’ll be breathing smoke and fire, he’ll be breathing smoke and fire when he comes.

He’ll be roarin’ and a snortin’ when he comes, etc.

He’ll be stompin’ and a thumpin’ when he comes, etc.

For the “The Wheels on the Bus,” you could describe a venue other than the bus, such as your school itself or a vehicle like a firetruck or train.  For “We’re Going to the Zoo” by Tom Paxton, select a different destination, such as the forest or ocean.  For “I Had a Cat,” instead of barnyard animals, use jungle animals, woodland animals, animals found in your backyard.  These songs present many opportunities to make up sounds and devise creative descriptions of actions.  (Some research on your part or your own memory will no doubt reveal other songs that work well.)

Have the children create as many new verses for your chosen song as possible.  When your group’s new version is complete, join together in a rousing group rendition.  After this activity, older students may be given the assignment of choosing another traditional song and creating a variation all their own.  

http://www.laurakraussmelmed.com/

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR CHARACTERS

by Pam Smallcomb

What is it that makes us keep on turning the pages of a book? An enthralling plot will certainly help, but interesting stories alone won’t necessarily keep our interest. What we need to keep reading is to become captivated by the characters in a story.

Movies and books are filled with fascinating characters. How did the screenwriters and authors develop them? One tool used in writing both screenplays and novels, is to create a character bio.

Students can write a character bio to get to know their main character, as well as his/her supporting cast, before they begin to write their story.

There are many different systems for documenting the scenes and characters in your story. Celtx is a screenwriting tool that is available on-line for free (which is a definite plus). Here is an example of the types of questions you will find there:

Character’s description?

Here you can write a brief summary about your character. I like to think of this as a high-level view, with little or no detail. You can start with something like “Sarah is a high school freshman, living in a small mid-western town. She is the only child. She’s shy. She loves singing.”

It’s a chance to put down anything and everything you can think of about your character. Don’t worry about the details. Just brainstorm. You will come back and update this later, to reflect everything you have learned about your character.

Detailed physical description?

This section includes a place for you to enter the character’s age, distinguishing features, hair color, eye color, height and weight. Now you know what your character looks like.

Key character traits?

When you are thinking of character traits, I think it’s helpful to start with the ones you know for certain, and see if they help you to think of others.

For Sarah let’s say these:

Shy

Musical

Obsessive

Fearful

Loyal

Caring

Sometimes one character trait will lead to another. If I decide Sarah should be obsessive (maybe about singing?) then she must have some fear as well (maybe she is afraid of losing of losing her dream? Maybe she has a fear of singing in public?). One character trait will often point you to the next one. If Sarah is loyal, then I think she should be caring as well. I’m starting to see she might be a good friend, or maybe she has always tried to be a good daughter. A small picture of Sarah is starting to form in my mind.

The next section is on motivation. Now things start to get interesting.

What is the goal of this character?

Go back and look at your summary paragraph. Mine said that Sarah was an only child, living in a small mid-western town. Maybe she feels stifled? Maybe Sarah’s goal is to break out of her small town life.

What is the character's plan to achieve the goal?

Once you figure out your character’s goal, you can decide how she is going to get there. What does Sarah have? She has her singing. Maybe Sarah wants to make it as a singer.

There are other sections that will help you to refine and get to know your character better: family background, habits and vices, education, personality, likes and dislikes.

Students can use this tool in another way: to analyze a character in a story. Filling in the different sections about a book character will help them see how the author used certain character traits, goals, and even physical descriptions to his advantage.

Developing complex and interesting characters requires some elbow grease and time (and it’s something I am always struggling with), but it’s time well spent if in the end you have yourself a ‘page-turner’.

    

http://www.pamsmallcomb.com/

EXPRESS YOURSELF!

by Joan Waites

A fun exercise I often use during school visits is showing students how they can illustrate various emotions. If your character is sad, bored, scared or happy, how do you draw your character’s facial expression and body language?

Emotion can be determined by looking at the lines on three key places on the face:

1. The line of the eyebrows

2. The corners of the eyes

3. The corners of the mouth

Take turns with student volunteers and ask them to show you (and the class) and “angry” face, a “sad” face, a “happy” face and so on. Point out how the eyebrows, eyes, and mouth change with different emotions.  Be prepared for lots of laughs!

Next, provide a template of blank circles. Under each circle, have the students write down different emotions and ask them to illustrate the facial expressions that correspond using the lines of the eyebrows, eyes and mouth.

Finally, have each student illustrate a character from an original or existing story, depicting one emotion. Talk about how the character’s body language combined with facial expression can also show how they are feeling. Would they stand up tall and proud, hunched over with head hanging low, or arms crossed tightly in front of them? Having small hand mirrors for students to look at themselves when working on this exercise is also helpful. Students can also pair up and draw each other.

Have fun and express yourself!

http://www.joanwaites.com/

Drop Everything and Write

by Pamela Ehrenberg

I fidget.  Put my feet on a chair.  Cross my legs.  Stretch.  Drink tea.  Realize that I'm slouching.  Fidget more.  And write.

Most of my students don't know this, but one group does: the ones from my "Lunchtime Writing Retreats" workshop.  In this experience, we all--students and instructor alike--commit to five or six one- to two-hour retreats where we spend most of our time working on our own individual writing projects.

What does it look like when a writer writes?  I shift back and forth between laptop, notepad, and printed-out draft.  I tap-tap-tap, word after word after word . . . then I stare at the screen, finding it too great an effort even to change a punctuation mark.

This isn't how I imagine it goes for Anne Tyler, or Bobbie Ann Mason, or Allegra Goodman.  I imagine my favorite writers unlocking their words with a magical key that allows everything to flow effortlessly on the page.  I know better, but I imagine anyway.  How do our students imagine it looks when a writer writes?

For years schools have had success with "Drop Everything and Read"--programs that acknowledge school might be the place in a student' s life that is most conducive to reading.  And reading in the company of other readers--seeing what it looks like when a reader reads--gives students the confidence to realize that maybe however they're going about it is OK after all.

How wonderful when we can make time as well for our students to write in each other's company--and in our company as well, and the company of other adults at school.  Perhaps the principal writes puns or the woman who lovingly serves lunch is also penning a murder mystery.  Maybe the same benefits of dropping everything to read--progress made, intimidation shattered--will hold true for your students as they do for mine.  If nothing else, the experience will shed light on what it looks like when a writer writes.  And I'm guessing that we'll like what we see.

*For more information about upcoming sessions of Lunchtime Writing Retreats in the DC/Baltimore area, visit http://www.writer.org/

  

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